so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
