he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
