i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
