dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
