I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
