Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Mom said you looked used
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
