No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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