Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
