Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
