I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
