There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
