Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
