Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
