the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
