remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
