I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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