If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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