So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
