Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
