How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
