So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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