I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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