A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to calm my uterus...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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