No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
