I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
