I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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