i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
