Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
