Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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