Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
