one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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