I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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