Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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