When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
