i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
