I want to walk on stilts...naked
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
