he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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