I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
