i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
