Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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