After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
