I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
