Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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