look no pants
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
