I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
