I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
