He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
