2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
