I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
