I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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