No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
