Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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